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Killer, Lover, Pokemon Master...

This is a Professional Wrestling blog.

-The Cleaner



Dec. 10, 12

10:40 PM

Dear The Miz,

I really wanted your whole good guy thing to be fun and cool.  But I already, 2 weeks later, have to completely take it back.

Cody and Damien are best friends.  Cody grows a mustache and you make a gay joke.  Damien responds in a socially acceptable way more or less, and you just talk over him in the most sophomoric way possible.

I’m glad Cody is trouncing you verbally.  I hope someone trounces you later.  Perhaps the hair of Damien Sandow’s beard didn’t rub off on Cody Rhodes when you allege they were kissing.  Perhaps when The Rock attacked you at Survivor Series last year, his homophobia rubbed off on you.  Could have been Cena too, I don’t know.  Right now Cena is too busy being condescending to women, but that doesn’t mean you should be picking up his slack.

Also, preemptive “fuck you” to anyone who thinks I’m taking things too seriously.  I’m tired of nonsense like this, especially from people I want to like or have liked in the past.

Also, hey, some people have penises and also like the color pink.  Get the fuck over it, every good guy wrestler.  I mean, except for John Cena when it’s in the name of cancer in conjunction with a awful charity for jerks.

Love,

-Garcian, a queer wrestling fan.

Permalink | 28 notes | Tags: The Miz The Rock John Cena RAW WWE WWE RAW homophobia heterosexism Miz

Dec. 03, 12

08:48 PM

So, here it is.

We have a fucking TMZ LAST TIME ON REAL WORLD intro

And now lie detectors.

Who is the father of Miz’s baby you guys.

But I’ll take a walrus chant.

Permalink | 3 notes | Tags: cm punk the miz wwe raw

08:44 PM

Just get real mad Punk.

I mean, if you’re going to do you people you might as well do it with some feeling.

Also, babyface Miz approaching.    WWE can you just, like, let things happen naturally, don’t The Ryback or Funk My Momma The Miz.

Permalink | Tags: The Miz CM Punk WWE RAW

08:03 PM

"Mr. Hustle Loyalty And Respect" has to be the worst nickname this side of "The Charismatic Enigma"

Permalink | 2 notes | Tags: WWE RAW John Cena

Sep. 19, 12

11:52 AM

Worst: I’d Like Our Moral Code Back, Please

Okay, so the match ends with John Cena throwing CM Punk sideways toward the ropes (very specifically so) with an Attitude Adjustment and covering him for the three. Punk gets his foot on the ropes at two, but the referee (who looks like an extra from The Outsiders) (the movie, I’m not saying he looks like Syxx) doesn’t see it and awards the match to Cena and Sheamus anyway. He didn’t just “not see it”, he saw his error, had it explained to him, then, instead of restarting the match or showing any sort of responsibility or remorse, just walked away going “welp, sorry, you lost”. Cena and Sheamus leave to go hug (or whatever) and Punk gets stuck “whining” about the loss all the way to the back.

I want to see bad guys get defeated in pro wrestling. I don’t want to see them lose unfairly and complain about it.

I feel like I’ve written a Russian novel’s worth of Worst paragraphs about WWE losing its moral code, but stuff like this is just getting tiresome. Good guys can do whatever they want because the fans like them. Bad guys get cheated but shouldn’t complain about it, because they’re bad guys. It doesn’t make sense. Back in the long long ago, that foot-on-the-ropes finish was to either get you excited for a guy you like winning only to have it snatched way by reality (or worse, by a guy who put his foot on the ropes AFTER the three and pretended like the ref missed it, because he’s a scumbag) or to give the guy you like sympathy for a rematch. With this and the Sheamus match from SummerSlam, it’s become a thing for bad guys to complain about, because ONLY PEOPLE YOU BOO CAN FEEL AS THOUGH THEY’VE BEEN WRONGED. Everybody else has to just move on and challenge the guy who cheated them to a MATCH HERE TONIGHT~!!

Fan favorites are the ones who should be generating crowd sympathy. They should be people we want to see win, because they’ve been wronged in some way, or treated badly by someone, or underestimated. They’re Dusty Rhodes, a common man trying to take wrestling’s top prize from rich socialite cheating prick Ric Flair and his gaggle of asshole friends. The way things are set up now, WWE heels are the ones who attempt to generate sympathy, and WWE babyfaces are guys who smile and wave and clap and just destroy everyone. You know why? Because modern wrestling audiences are callous as f**k, and have no interest in living vicariously through a good person … they want to live vicariously through someone who wins all the time and doesn’t think too much. Were you just treated unfairly? WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING ABOUT IT, THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME

It’s a devaluation of class, intelligence and integrity, and a pretty sorrowful example of how WWE has taught its audience to think what WWE does is what’s best. WWE doesn’t play fair, they just win all the time and do whatever they want with whoever they want. Are you complaining about it at all? Shut up, loser!

"
Brandon Stroud, hitting the nail on the head for The Best And Worst Of RAW 9/17/12
Permalink | 21 notes | Tags: CM Punk John Cena Sheamus Alberto Del Rio WWE RAW best and worst of raw

Sep. 17, 12

08:20 PM

So every WWE Title match Cena and Punk have had so far has ended in some sort of controversy.

mean-arse-beard:

So there’s really no definitive winner still between them.

Cool.

that’s a hard trigger to pull.  Like Austin/Rock.  The only real clean win I can remember between them was their last major encounter at WM19, and Austin was on his way out.

Permalink | 3 notes | Tags: john cena cm punk wwe night of champions the rock stone cold steve austin steve austin

Apr. 03, 12

03:57 PM

I don’t think I need to tell you guys about why I might be not too thrilled about a giant dickhead who has been open an honest about being concerned with money and that doesn’t really have a love for a business coming back at the expense of people who do love the professional wrestling business

And I don’t think I need to tell you how mad I will be if The Rock or Brock beat Punk for his title and how much angrier I will be if it’s Brock just so The Rock can beat him for the WWE title and get him back for summerslam.

I hope we’ll be able to stop blowing the Rock all day, because it seems like that birthday party of his never ended.

Hopefully, Brock can not look so doughy and The Rock can get in Actual Fucking Shape, because then at least I can pretend to be excited when everyone else is excited while pretending those guys have put on countless five star classics even though they were mostly wrestling guys like Kurt Angle or whoever that had great matches without even trying.

Permalink | 17 notes | Tags: the rock brock lesnar wrestlemania wwe raw

Mar. 13, 12

12:44 PM

Just now watching RAW, might live blog a bit

Marked like a bitch for Thuganomics.  Marked Apocalyptically for the chain.

Then I got disappointed by him wearing a home team jersey.

And then he brought back the bag of nuts.  Why do you want to tea bag grown men Cena.

Kind of glad wrestlingconfessions isn’t around anymore.  Do people ship Cena and Rock?  This is a real question.  Somebody send me the slash video.

Permalink | Tags: cena rock wwe raw

Mar. 05, 12

10:18 PM

This The Rock promo is fucking bonkers

One part though, making reference to the women of Boston lining up to give him their Boston Cream Pies.

Like.

Have their vaginas already been filled with semen or?

Permalink | Tags: The Rock WWE

Jan. 30, 12

07:41 PM

Fair to Flair: Sunday Afternoon Smackdown 1/27/11 (Special Monday Entry!)

femmejomo:

fairtoflair:

This is the Special 1st Edition Edition with Holofoil FairToFlair Trading Card featuring Mitch and KSP riding a Pikachu themed roller coaster together.

This feature will normally appear on Sundays.

Sunday Night Smackdown smacks you down in our trademark WOO! Vs BOO! format. Everything…

This may be the best Smackdown review I have ever read. 

Thank you!

(Source: fairtoflair, via chikarain15)

Permalink | 5 notes | Tags: smackdown wwe

05:49 PM

I feel bad that I can’t live blog with you guys

But I’ll have you all know that I marked as much as I could in the pure silence of my film analysis class when Kharma came out.

Also, for when Ziggler almost won the title.

And when Bryan retained.

Oh dog dammit its Road Dogg.

Thats when I sour pussed at the “you still got it chant”.  Seriously.  IT was like with The Rock, he did like 3 moves and two of them were punches.

At least he got beat by the son of a better dancer.  Plus he hit him with that Tony Ja corkscrew elbow of death.

Did Road Dogg just call off Jack Swagger?

King laughing about being eliminated by a woman.  Seriously King, fuck off and don’t ever fuck back on.

WHAT IS THAT NEW WADE BARRETT MUSIC.  He’s like his own unfitting theme.

Otunga is at the most winningest number.

I have a feeling in my gut that The Rock is going to be in this.  Which would be fucking stupid if Cena becomes champion.

Hey, it’s Randy Orton.

It’s the 28th entry and I have no idea who is going to win this.  

OH FUCK I FORGOT JERICHO WAS GOING TO BE IN IT IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD.

HOW DOES BIG SHOW GET THE 30TH SPOT?

ALL THE AIR HAS BEEN LET OUT OF THE ROOM.  NO POP FOR SHOW.

let Jericho win this thing

let him win it.

Cmon.

THATS HOW MIZ AND CODY GET THROWN OUT?

NOOOO ZIGGLER.

Final Four: Sheamus, Jericho, Orton, Show

LET JERICHO WIN

it’s like one of the last things he hasn’t done.

jericho and sheamus

I CANT LOSE

GO JERICHO GO

GO JERICHO GO

GO

JERICHO

GO

COME ON

STOP POINTING AND THROW SHEAMUS OUT

IM SORRY ISABELLA

JERICHO

RECLAIM YOUR SPOT

FIGHT BRYAN OR PUNK

WIN THIS MATCH

CMON

NO

NONONONONONO SHEAMUS NO CMON NO

NONONONONONONO

OH SHIT

HES ALMOST OUT!

COME ON

yeah, the walls

OH MY DONT HBK THIS 

GET AWAY FROM THE APRON

C-C-C-C-C-CODEBREAKERRRRRRR

DONT PIN HIM YOU SILLY

SHEAMUS IS PUNCH DRUNK, YOU GOT HIM.

COME ON

JUST WIN THE FUCKING RUMBLE

NO NO NO NO NO NO

FUCKING

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I guess I’m okay with this.  I wanted Jericho.  

And what does this mean with Jericho?  what have the last few weeks been about then?

Well.  See you at Mania Fella.  Isabella is going to lose her damn mind.

Permalink | 4 notes | Tags: WWE ROYAL RUMBLE CHRIS JERICHO

Jan. 25, 12

05:51 PM

I really wish that scene ended with Cena listening to the sirens

while the “Never Give Up” armband is clearly visible.  Not with Josh showing up and then Cena getting Swagger’s twitching powers.

Permalink | 2 notes | Tags: raw wwe

Jan. 18, 12

08:56 PM

Dolph Ziggler calling out Cena’s awkward run is magic

Entertaining the idea that he could be defending a championship against Foley is hilarious.

CM Punk shitting it up is not so good.

>why does it matter if Ziggler is hiding behind a woman?  It should be the hiding behind somebody thing that matter, but is it that it’s a woman that is so disgusting to you Punk?

>Who gives a shit about pink shirts, Punk?

>Crossdresser?  Really?  

> Vickie loses points for eating disorder comments.

Thank god for Johnny Ace.  Fuck why am I typing that.  Lay down the law Johnny.

Permalink | 23 notes | Tags: raw wwe

Jan. 16, 12

10:19 PM

you’re on tumblr, just scroll down the wwe feed and you will be informed

I thought I’d ask my followers for a more short and concise summary rather than wade through ‘OMG WTF’ on the tag with my slow computer.

But thank you for the snarky and slightly unhelpful answer all the same.

edit:

Foley came out! And said he wanted to wrestle one more time in front of his kids, in the Royal Rumble but Laurinaitis said no

See.  That’s helpful.  Thank you Danni for doing something that wasn’t so hard at all.

Permalink | 3 notes | Tags: wwe

10:14 PM

here for the last hour

what happened in the first hour of RAW?  I saw the over the top rope thing and heard Swagger has the belt he was born to wear (finally) but what else?

Permalink | 12 notes | Tags: wwe raw